You have to get over the fear of falling before you can succeed :)
Doing all sorts of stunts at Pilates yesterday definitely gave me a lot of things to think about—of course, after my body had had time to recuperate, and my brain a chance to rest and get all those gears running again. Yesterday, I was faced with numerous physical challenges that I had never really encountered before for the sake of the shoot. I was familiar with most of the stunts, but there were a couple of things that were new to me, which I had to do on the spot; I spent a good amount of time, when not assuming the poses, worrying about a lot of things.
Like I mentioned in my previous post, I had never once attempted to do this particular stunt whatsoever, and was only challenged on the spot by the senior Pilates instructor. I declined at first because I was so darn scared, but the next thing I knew, my world was turned upside down. Once I was in that position, I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness, what was I so afraid of? This is actually pretty fun!" and that was before I came back down and got a horrible head rush.
Anyway, I kept thinking of that particular stunt, and somehow managed to relate it to my every day life—I know it sounds silly, but stay with me here. Before I got into that pose, I was so afraid of falling and failing that I didn't even want to try; my mind was so clouded over with the terror of slipping and cracking my head open that I almost gave up and pleaded the instructors to just let me move on with the shoot. I then began to realize that that mindset of "This is impossible; I know I'm gonna fail, so why should I even try in the first place?" is what usually keeps a lot of us human beings, including me, from succeeding in life.
Case in point: I've been in a few situations after I graduated from high school where I had to make certain changes in my life because I knew that they just had to be done in order for me to be happy. For the longest time, I had felt like God was telling me that He had a different path for me to take from what my peers were taking; I knew that He had something in store for me. However, for a person like me who thrives on consistency and familiarity, even though I knew it was for the better, I still couldn't shake off the fear of failure. I'm really not joking. I was resolute in my decision, but the first year afterward was sort of tough for me; I felt really insecure a lot of the time and a lot of people in my life were doubting me, but I always prayed for patience, wisdom, and strength to go through those changes in my life because I was not used to them.
Flash forward to the present, I feel so silly whenever I think back to those times of uncertainty, because I'm so glad that I listened to God's voice, followed His plans, took a leap of faith and actually changed my life instead of sticking to my routine because I was afraid. I am very happy now, and I sometimes do say to myself, "What were you so afraid of, Jenn?" I still have insecurities, and I still get nervous sometimes—I'm not perfect, I'm just like any other human being—but I'm training myself to embrace change, and get over the fear of falling, because I realize now that once I dive right in, things don't seem as bad as they did in the first place.
I still have a long way to go, and there are so many more things to do with my life—university, career, marriage, family. I don't always know where I'll end up in, or what I'll do, but I have faith that God is working in me and He has a plan for me. I'll just have to see where He takes me :)
Have faith that God will not forsake you or let you fall, so just let yourself go :)
Love,
Jennifer W.
