My thoughts on dancing "solo"

Ever since I started dancing, I've always danced in groups or partners at the very least; this past year definitely marks the first time I danced on my own, meaning that I am no longer a part of a dance team, or do I even have a dance partner. Why is that so? It's simply because most of my dancer friends have moved away to go to university, while I stayed back to take a gap year and pursue my lifelong dream. Only two of my fellow dancers go to a local university, but they're still very busy with school, so I don't get to see them that much.

My dance team members (a.k.a. my best friends forever) and I after a late dance rehearsal

Transitioning from dancing with a partner/team to suddenly being on my own was somewhat disheartening because I no longer had anyone to share all of my worries (for dance) with—I no longer had fellow dancers to lean on when I needed support. Now, let me get something straight, I do have friends, but only a select few of them love dancing as much as I do, and they've all gone away to university as I said before. 

I enrolled in a dance instructor training program shortly after my high school graduation in 2012, and even though there were other girls who were in the course, we were essentially somewhat competing against each other because we had exams to prepare for—well, at least that's how I thought of it. I still went to normal dance classes, but at the end of the day, I was a "trainee" who was being graded based on my performance in class. Being the youngest trainee was not that easy for me as well, there were older students who were kind of belittling me just because I was younger (flashbacks to my ballet years), and it just felt more difficult for me to prove myself as a dance instructor-to-be. To top it all off, I no longer had a dance partner, let alone a dance team whom I could connect with, so yeah.......

All is well in that area now, as I am currently working as a dance instructor/choreographer, and things have been continuously looking up for me. I just feel super blessed! :D I still feel lonely sometimes, especially when I see all of the other dancers who have a super close-knit bond with their team. At those times, I always end up really missing my fellow dancers from the dance academy, and my high school. I really want to have a "partner in crime" again, you know.....

My certificate of completion of the dance instructor training program!
I graduated with a "Highly Commendable Pass"

Even with everything I've said, I still don't think that "dancing solo" (as I like to call it) is all that bad—there are ups and downs in everything—because I get to experience so many things that wouldn't have happened to me otherwise, and I can say that I've matured so much more from working alone than when I was still a part of a team. I've learned how to deal with students, parents, and employers all by myself without losing my temper; before this, I usually ended up hiding behind my team members whenever I got into something I didn't want to deal with, so I think I've matured in that aspect.

I taught my very first workshop on Saturday, 20 April 2013
I used Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" ♥

Choreographing without the help of my team members was also something I found to be quite a deterrent in my dancing. Even though I contributed to the dance performances my dance team and I had, my friends always had their share in creating the choreography as well. When I first realized I had to do everything on my own, I was kind of scared and really nervous because I didn't know if I would do a good job choreographing on my own. However, flash forward to almost a year later, I now have no problems with that, aside from trying to get that first spark of inspiration. 

The very first video I put up on Youtube—my original choreography to "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

The bottom line is, there will always be a positive and negative side to everything, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward in your life and having brand new experiences. The things you once thought to be daunting and impossible to do, might just bring you the most blessings and life lessons. So don't be afraid to take some chances, and just go for it!

Love,

Jennifer.

Lack of inspiration—it really sucks.

I haven't been choreographing in almost two weeks now, and that feels like a lifetime to me. I've been busy with dance performance rehearsals and visa preparations that I ended up feeling so utterly uninspired. 

My schedule has calmed down now, so I have more time to lock myself in my "at-home studio,"—or as I like to call it—which is really my late grandmother's bedroom, and dance dance dance until I drop. Literally. I'd love to do just that, but as of now, I still have no inspiration! I'll probably just end up practicing for a dance cover, which I'll definitely record and post on Youtube. Other than that, I currently have no idea what to choreograph next!

Inspiration seems to hit me at the unlikeliest times, like when I'm listening to music in bed—already so tired, and just ready to sleep. I wish there was a device that could record all of the ideas that my mind seems to sprout at night, just so I could review them in the morning and create something out of them. Scientists and innovators, please make that happen.

Well, I have to go now, so my time is up here. I'll see you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer

Lights, Camera, Dance!

"Then come the lights shining on you from above. You are a performer. You forget all you learned;—the process of technique, the fear, the pain—you even forget who you are. You become one with the music, the lights, indeed one with the dance." —Shirley Maclain

I still remember the time I first felt the exhilaration of standing on stage under the illumination of the stage lights—the feeling of complete satisfaction, belonging, and rush. I was in my pre-teens, rehearsing on stage with my jazz dance team for a performance the next day, and even though it was only a trial run, the seats were filled with hundreds of people watching. It was not my first time performing, as I started dance when I was 4 years old, so I was really excited and not that nervous. 

The music played, and the other dancers and I went on with our routine until the end. Just as the music stopped, and we all got into our final pose,—all sweaty and gross from the heat of the stage lights—the audience went wild and started cheering for us; I remember I had smiled so big upon hearing their supportive yells that my cheeks really hurt. It was really the first time I ever felt so alive, and there was this rush of excitement flowing through inside of me! Right at that moment, I knew where I belonged, and what my passion was.

Even though I started dance at an early age, I didn't really have very many good memories or experiences until I moved to modern and jazz dance from ballet. Let's just say that ballet was.....not the best years of my life.....I'm still grateful for it because attending those classes taught me a lot, but other than that, it was......not very good. Let's just leave it at that. So yeah, I was super duper overjoyed when I transferred to modern and jazz dance classes! The friends were awesome, my instructors were so great and thoughtful, and I loved everything and anything about modern dance and jazz dance. :)

As time went by, I eventually had to leave the dance academy because my grades at school were going downhill, and my mom wouldn't have any of that. I threw a tantrum, and ended up having a huge argument with my mom because I really didn't want to leave. It got pretty bad, to the point where my mom gave me two choices: 

1. Quit school and continue attending the dance academy.
2. Leave dance and continue school.

Now, as much as I wanted to choose option 1, I knew that it wasn't really the best option for me, and my parents would have had my head for it, so I reluctantly chose number 2. I remember crying for a long time, and just generally being depressed about it, because I really loved that academy from the bottom of my heart! It was a tough decision, but I knew that I just couldn't drop out of [regular] school.

Flash forward to almost a decade later, I am now going after my dreams and pursuing my passion for dance! I currently work as a dance instructor/choreographer, and am basically a full-time dancer :D well, for the time being anyway. I'm in the last few months of my gap year before I have to leave for university in the fall of 2013, but I will still dance on campus! I won't be joining the university dance team because I won't be able to attend the audition (T_____T), but I will be taking (and hopefully) teaching lots of classes there! I really can't wait :D

See you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer.

Why am I so weak?

I don't mean "weak" as in "mentally weak," but more like "physically weak." I seriously am, and I hate it so much.

I tend to push myself too much when it comes down to working on projects,—be it for dance, school, work, or whatever it is I have on my plate—and it definitely takes a toll on my body. I often get headaches, my muscles become sore very easily, I sometimes lose my voice, and I'm somewhat prone to injuries. Ugh.

One doctor told me that I was an overachiever (nothing new here), and basically a type-A person. To put it simply, I'm a perfectionist, and become very, very borderline annoying anal when it comes to school, work, and especially dance. I suppose it's good to be meticulous and super organized, but in my case, I almost always overwork myself to the point of sickness, and it's not good, for a lack of a better word. 

I just had a performance yesterday, and the D-Day preparations were hell for my body. Let me tell you what I did yesterday:

• 5:30am: woke up and got ready.

(I was still a happy lil' dancer here that I had the energy and willingness to take a selfie)

• 7:00am: got in the car, and went to the show venue early, because of my 7:30am call time.
• 7:15am: arrived at the location; put on my makeup (those damned fake lashes), wore my costume, did my hair, rehearsed.
• 9:00am: briefed by the committee members; rehearsed on stage with full makeup and costume; made sure everything looked good on camera.
• 9:15am: put on accessories for my costume; stretched and warmed up because my left arm was killing me; took some pictures, and rehearsed again in the dressing room; prayed before we got on stage.
• 10:30am: SHOW TIME, BABY! First performance went well.
• 11:00am: ate lunch because I was famished at that point; touched up my makeup, and put on the costume for the second performance; rehearsed the other choreography for a few times; made sure our costumes and accessories were in place; took some more pictures, and then waited for our second session.
• 1:00pm: SECOND PERFORMANCE!
• 2:00pm: everything was all done; the first thing I did was rip off my falsies, and took off my makeup; changed out of my costume, and went home. AT LONG LAST, FREEDOM FROM THOSE FALSIES AND MAKEUP! Yeah, I totally dislike wearing makeup.
• 3:20pm: finally arrived home after dropping off my dance instructor and her assistant at the studio. Time to eat again, because I was hungry........again.

So that was a sneak peek into my schedule yesterday, and even though it might not seem like much, it was really exhausting for me. I realize that I've been getting sick and just generally feeling like crap a lot more lately, because I'm almost always dancing, choreographing, teaching, or doing Pilates. It's kind of ironic because those things are supposed to keep you fit and healthy, but I feel like I kind of abuse it so much to the point that my body just can't take them all too well anymore. All things in moderation, I guess.

I'm ranting on my first post—well done, Jenn (note the sarcasm). So I'll stop here then; see you in my next entry!

Love,

Jennifer W.