Last day in my home away from home

September 2012 was the beginning of one of the best years of my life; I had felt like I hit a dead end for the better half of the senior year of high school—I was horribly stressed out, uninspired, and just felt crappy in general. I didn't have any problems with my friends or teachers, but it was the pressure of academics that got the best of me, plus I didn't even have time to dance back then so relaxing was a no-no for me. 

It wasn't until I graduated from high school that I felt like I could pull myself together again after being stuck in a rut for 2 years. After a few months of wondering what I should do next, God eventually told me that He had a plan for me, and although it meant that I would be taking a different path that all my other friends were on, it would still be awesome; He was right. One night while I was out with friends, trying to have fun before all of us separated ways, I received a text from my mom that she got from my former dance instructor. In that message, I was told that there was an opening for a dance instructor training program, and I immediately jumped at the chance—little did I know that it was going to be the start of something great.

Once I got an "OK" from my mom, I contacted my former instructor, and told her that I was interested in the program; flash forward to a month later, I was officially the youngest trainee dance instructor at the studio. The training period went great for the most part, but there were still some days when I thought to myself "Why in the world am I doing this again?" because I was nervous that things weren't going to work out. The doubt that had plagued me in high school had mostly gone away, but it still came back to haunt me at certain times in my trainee days; back then, I was honestly just taking things one day at a time, and thanking God and leaning on Him each step of the way because everything felt so unreal. 

I eventually graduated from the program with a "Highly Commendable Pass" and I remember feeling so out-of-this-world when I received my certificate—I kept thinking "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, I'm a certified dance instructor! ME! I'M A DANCE INSTRUCTOR!" since it had always been my dream to be a dance instructor and own a dance company/studio ever since I was 4 years old; it was such a great day, and I still thank God for blessing me abundantly. After I graduated, I moved on to teach a few classes, hold a couple of workshops, substitute for my dance instructor's classes, dance for a university advertisement project, train a group of dancers for a dance competition, and I even started a Youtube channel to share my passion with an even bigger audience! Granted, there were a ton of ups and downs, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

September 2013: now a year has flashed by before my eyes, and it's time for me to move on with my life. 2 September 2013 was my last day in the dance studio, and it just felt so weird knowing that yesterday's class was the last one I was going to attend. I felt wistful throughout class, but I didn't cry or even shed a single tear, because I knew that I'll always be a part of the studio, as my instructor once told me. I feel eternally grateful that God led me to that place a year ago, and thankful for reconnecting me with my instructor, who has helped me so much in more ways than one! There's an end to everything, but I will never forget the place that got everything started for me, and the people God has introduced to my life who has helped me get to where I am today. I'll definitely look back fondly on the year I spent working with and in the studio, but here's to an even more fantastic future :')

Lots of love,
Jennifer W.

My thoughts on dancing "solo"

Ever since I started dancing, I've always danced in groups or partners at the very least; this past year definitely marks the first time I danced on my own, meaning that I am no longer a part of a dance team, or do I even have a dance partner. Why is that so? It's simply because most of my dancer friends have moved away to go to university, while I stayed back to take a gap year and pursue my lifelong dream. Only two of my fellow dancers go to a local university, but they're still very busy with school, so I don't get to see them that much.

My dance team members (a.k.a. my best friends forever) and I after a late dance rehearsal

Transitioning from dancing with a partner/team to suddenly being on my own was somewhat disheartening because I no longer had anyone to share all of my worries (for dance) with—I no longer had fellow dancers to lean on when I needed support. Now, let me get something straight, I do have friends, but only a select few of them love dancing as much as I do, and they've all gone away to university as I said before. 

I enrolled in a dance instructor training program shortly after my high school graduation in 2012, and even though there were other girls who were in the course, we were essentially somewhat competing against each other because we had exams to prepare for—well, at least that's how I thought of it. I still went to normal dance classes, but at the end of the day, I was a "trainee" who was being graded based on my performance in class. Being the youngest trainee was not that easy for me as well, there were older students who were kind of belittling me just because I was younger (flashbacks to my ballet years), and it just felt more difficult for me to prove myself as a dance instructor-to-be. To top it all off, I no longer had a dance partner, let alone a dance team whom I could connect with, so yeah.......

All is well in that area now, as I am currently working as a dance instructor/choreographer, and things have been continuously looking up for me. I just feel super blessed! :D I still feel lonely sometimes, especially when I see all of the other dancers who have a super close-knit bond with their team. At those times, I always end up really missing my fellow dancers from the dance academy, and my high school. I really want to have a "partner in crime" again, you know.....

My certificate of completion of the dance instructor training program!
I graduated with a "Highly Commendable Pass"

Even with everything I've said, I still don't think that "dancing solo" (as I like to call it) is all that bad—there are ups and downs in everything—because I get to experience so many things that wouldn't have happened to me otherwise, and I can say that I've matured so much more from working alone than when I was still a part of a team. I've learned how to deal with students, parents, and employers all by myself without losing my temper; before this, I usually ended up hiding behind my team members whenever I got into something I didn't want to deal with, so I think I've matured in that aspect.

I taught my very first workshop on Saturday, 20 April 2013
I used Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" ♥

Choreographing without the help of my team members was also something I found to be quite a deterrent in my dancing. Even though I contributed to the dance performances my dance team and I had, my friends always had their share in creating the choreography as well. When I first realized I had to do everything on my own, I was kind of scared and really nervous because I didn't know if I would do a good job choreographing on my own. However, flash forward to almost a year later, I now have no problems with that, aside from trying to get that first spark of inspiration. 

The very first video I put up on Youtube—my original choreography to "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

The bottom line is, there will always be a positive and negative side to everything, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward in your life and having brand new experiences. The things you once thought to be daunting and impossible to do, might just bring you the most blessings and life lessons. So don't be afraid to take some chances, and just go for it!

Love,

Jennifer.

Lights, Camera, Dance!

"Then come the lights shining on you from above. You are a performer. You forget all you learned;—the process of technique, the fear, the pain—you even forget who you are. You become one with the music, the lights, indeed one with the dance." —Shirley Maclain

I still remember the time I first felt the exhilaration of standing on stage under the illumination of the stage lights—the feeling of complete satisfaction, belonging, and rush. I was in my pre-teens, rehearsing on stage with my jazz dance team for a performance the next day, and even though it was only a trial run, the seats were filled with hundreds of people watching. It was not my first time performing, as I started dance when I was 4 years old, so I was really excited and not that nervous. 

The music played, and the other dancers and I went on with our routine until the end. Just as the music stopped, and we all got into our final pose,—all sweaty and gross from the heat of the stage lights—the audience went wild and started cheering for us; I remember I had smiled so big upon hearing their supportive yells that my cheeks really hurt. It was really the first time I ever felt so alive, and there was this rush of excitement flowing through inside of me! Right at that moment, I knew where I belonged, and what my passion was.

Even though I started dance at an early age, I didn't really have very many good memories or experiences until I moved to modern and jazz dance from ballet. Let's just say that ballet was.....not the best years of my life.....I'm still grateful for it because attending those classes taught me a lot, but other than that, it was......not very good. Let's just leave it at that. So yeah, I was super duper overjoyed when I transferred to modern and jazz dance classes! The friends were awesome, my instructors were so great and thoughtful, and I loved everything and anything about modern dance and jazz dance. :)

As time went by, I eventually had to leave the dance academy because my grades at school were going downhill, and my mom wouldn't have any of that. I threw a tantrum, and ended up having a huge argument with my mom because I really didn't want to leave. It got pretty bad, to the point where my mom gave me two choices: 

1. Quit school and continue attending the dance academy.
2. Leave dance and continue school.

Now, as much as I wanted to choose option 1, I knew that it wasn't really the best option for me, and my parents would have had my head for it, so I reluctantly chose number 2. I remember crying for a long time, and just generally being depressed about it, because I really loved that academy from the bottom of my heart! It was a tough decision, but I knew that I just couldn't drop out of [regular] school.

Flash forward to almost a decade later, I am now going after my dreams and pursuing my passion for dance! I currently work as a dance instructor/choreographer, and am basically a full-time dancer :D well, for the time being anyway. I'm in the last few months of my gap year before I have to leave for university in the fall of 2013, but I will still dance on campus! I won't be joining the university dance team because I won't be able to attend the audition (T_____T), but I will be taking (and hopefully) teaching lots of classes there! I really can't wait :D

See you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer.