Smiling in the rain

Bad times do not last forever.

You were created for a reason, and God has been cooking up something amazing ever since He brought you into the world. He is leading you toward something beautiful.

Even though you might not understand at times, it's best to let Him take the lead and follow along. He knows the way.

You will find happiness in the end.

Remember that you are loved.

Those are the things that my family and best friends have been telling me consistently. It's taken me a while to fully understand and accept things the way they are, but I'm at a much better place now. I feel happy, at peace, and most importantly blessed beyond all else :) I thank God for the people I have in my life because I honestly don't know where I would be or what I would do without them.

Living alone in a foreign country away from everything and anything familiar is in itself a feat that is quite difficult to handle at first, and adding to that the hurdles of growing up and becoming your own person can be stressful sometimes. I've had my ups and downs in the eight months that I've been living in Seattle; some of the goods sent me soaring in the sky, and some of the lows really beat me down.

Even though my family and best friends aren't physically here with me, I thank God for technology because hearing their voice helps a ton. Just having my family and best friends tell me that they will always be there for me, no matter how far apart we are, brings the utmost joy to my heart. I feel tremendously blessed that God loves me enough to let me have these amazing people in my life ♥

Some people come into your life to teach you a lesson, but some others are meant to stay forever.

The Fear of Falling: What's holding you back?

You have to get over the fear of falling before you can succeed :)

Doing all sorts of stunts at Pilates yesterday definitely gave me a lot of things to think about—of course, after my body had had time to recuperate, and my brain a chance to rest and get all those gears running again. Yesterday, I was faced with numerous physical challenges that I had never really encountered before for the sake of the shoot. I was familiar with most of the stunts, but there were a couple of things that were new to me, which I had to do on the spot; I spent a good amount of time, when not assuming the poses, worrying about a lot of things.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I had never once attempted to do this particular stunt whatsoever, and was only challenged on the spot by the senior Pilates instructor. I declined at first because I was so darn scared, but the next thing I knew, my world was turned upside down. Once I was in that position, I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness, what was I so afraid of? This is actually pretty fun!" and that was before I came back down and got a horrible head rush.

Anyway, I kept thinking of that particular stunt, and somehow managed to relate it to my every day life—I know it sounds silly, but stay with me here. Before I got into that pose, I was so afraid of falling and failing that I didn't even want to try; my mind was so clouded over with the terror of slipping and cracking my head open that I almost gave up and pleaded the instructors to just let me move on with the shoot. I then began to realize that that mindset of "This is impossible; I know I'm gonna fail, so why should I even try in the first place?" is what usually keeps a lot of us human beings, including me, from succeeding in life.

Case in point: I've been in a few situations after I graduated from high school where I had to make certain changes in my life because I knew that they just had to be done in order for me to be happy. For the longest time, I had felt like God was telling me that He had a different path for me to take from what my peers were taking; I knew that He had something in store for me. However, for a person like me who thrives on consistency and familiarity, even though I knew it was for the better, I still couldn't shake off the fear of failure. I'm really not joking. I was resolute in my decision, but the first year afterward was sort of tough for me; I felt really insecure a lot of the time and a lot of people in my life were doubting me, but I always prayed for patience, wisdom, and strength to go through those changes in my life because I was not used to them.

Flash forward to the present, I feel so silly whenever I think back to those times of uncertainty, because I'm so glad that I listened to God's voice, followed His plans, took a leap of faith and actually changed my life instead of sticking to my routine because I was afraid. I am very happy now, and I sometimes do say to myself, "What were you so afraid of, Jenn?" I still have insecurities, and I still get nervous sometimes—I'm not perfect, I'm just like any other human being—but I'm training myself to embrace change, and get over the fear of falling, because I realize now that once I dive right in, things don't seem as bad as they did in the first place.

I still have a long way to go, and there are so many more things to do with my life—university, career, marriage, family. I don't always know where I'll end up in, or what I'll do, but I have faith that God is working in me and He has a plan for me. I'll just have to see where He takes me :)

Have faith that God will not forsake you or let you fall, so just let yourself go :)

Love,
Jennifer W.

Dance-related injuries

Before you proceed to the entry, let me set one thing straight: I am not a masochist. I do not enjoy pain in any form or any degree. Please keep that in mind as you read the entirety of this post.
Now that we've got that cleared up, let's get going!

There's honestly something very satisfying about getting injured because of dance—at least that's what I think. Of all the (roughly) 15 years I have been dancing, my bones, muscles, and joints have sustained quite a bit of damage because I tend to overwork them. I am a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my art, and that is (unfortunately) a trait that has landed me in more trouble than it has success. Because of my tendency to literally dance until I drop (or hear something crack), I now have:

• loose hip joints (my Pilates instructor tells me that she can actually hear my pelvic bones coming out of its socket sometimes *shudders*) 
• a dislocated ankle — I actually have no idea if it's still dislocated, but one physiotherapist said that my bone actually shifted or something.........I didn't ask her for more information because I was just that disgusted and scared.
• creaky knee joints 
• loose and creaky shoulder joints
• weak rear end

All of those fun things at the age of 19. Wow, I feel so young o____o

In spite of all of those minor (some of them were actually quite serious at some point, but I think they're okay now...) setbacks, my love for the art of dancing is still as strong as the first day I fell for it. Although my Pilates instructor always advises me against dancing too often because of blatantly obvious reasons (a.k.a. injuries and whatnot), I just can't seem to separate myself from it. I mean, how can a fish stay out of water and live? Cheesy, I know.

The longest time I was strictly told to stay away from dancing—or any kind of strenuous physical activity for that matter—was for 3 whole months when I dislocated my right ankle. There was a school event coming up during that time, and I was soooooooooo frustrated that I couldn't perform because of my ankle injury. I ended up being the choreographer for the performers, and even though it was fun, I still felt horrible for not being able to dance on stage. As I think of it now, I'm pretty sure I actually danced with my students at least once during rehearsals.......maybe that's why my ankle isn't completely healed yet even after a year. Oops.

Things haven't changed that much now, I still haven't learned my lesson even after all these years, and I sometimes get these random attacks of pain during or after dance classes or my regular workout sessions. I've pulled a muscle in my ribs at least four times, I once gave too much of my all in a workshop that I literally couldn't walk for the next few days, I have ugly scars and blisters from dancing in heels, and I just injured my right ankle again about a month or two ago. 

I personally see those "damages" as proof of how hard I worked my booty off to improve in my art. The bruises on my body are my battle scars—they symbolize how much blood, sweat, tears, time, and effort I poured into dancing. The way I see it is that I'm blessed enough to have a talent, and God has constantly been giving me all of these great opportunities and platforms to showcase my love and passion for dance, so why not go the extra mile and work hard to expand and deepen my horizon? No pain, no gain, right? 

Love,
Jennifer

PS: I have no idea whether or not this post is actually coherent, because, I kid you not, my mind was running all over the place the whole time I wrote this. I also don't feel like reading this entry just to proofread. If I managed to transition from one paragraph to another seamlessly, then good! If not, then I apologize, because I sometimes do jump from one topic to another when I talk in real life. Oh well.

My thoughts on dancing "solo"

Ever since I started dancing, I've always danced in groups or partners at the very least; this past year definitely marks the first time I danced on my own, meaning that I am no longer a part of a dance team, or do I even have a dance partner. Why is that so? It's simply because most of my dancer friends have moved away to go to university, while I stayed back to take a gap year and pursue my lifelong dream. Only two of my fellow dancers go to a local university, but they're still very busy with school, so I don't get to see them that much.

My dance team members (a.k.a. my best friends forever) and I after a late dance rehearsal

Transitioning from dancing with a partner/team to suddenly being on my own was somewhat disheartening because I no longer had anyone to share all of my worries (for dance) with—I no longer had fellow dancers to lean on when I needed support. Now, let me get something straight, I do have friends, but only a select few of them love dancing as much as I do, and they've all gone away to university as I said before. 

I enrolled in a dance instructor training program shortly after my high school graduation in 2012, and even though there were other girls who were in the course, we were essentially somewhat competing against each other because we had exams to prepare for—well, at least that's how I thought of it. I still went to normal dance classes, but at the end of the day, I was a "trainee" who was being graded based on my performance in class. Being the youngest trainee was not that easy for me as well, there were older students who were kind of belittling me just because I was younger (flashbacks to my ballet years), and it just felt more difficult for me to prove myself as a dance instructor-to-be. To top it all off, I no longer had a dance partner, let alone a dance team whom I could connect with, so yeah.......

All is well in that area now, as I am currently working as a dance instructor/choreographer, and things have been continuously looking up for me. I just feel super blessed! :D I still feel lonely sometimes, especially when I see all of the other dancers who have a super close-knit bond with their team. At those times, I always end up really missing my fellow dancers from the dance academy, and my high school. I really want to have a "partner in crime" again, you know.....

My certificate of completion of the dance instructor training program!
I graduated with a "Highly Commendable Pass"

Even with everything I've said, I still don't think that "dancing solo" (as I like to call it) is all that bad—there are ups and downs in everything—because I get to experience so many things that wouldn't have happened to me otherwise, and I can say that I've matured so much more from working alone than when I was still a part of a team. I've learned how to deal with students, parents, and employers all by myself without losing my temper; before this, I usually ended up hiding behind my team members whenever I got into something I didn't want to deal with, so I think I've matured in that aspect.

I taught my very first workshop on Saturday, 20 April 2013
I used Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" ♥

Choreographing without the help of my team members was also something I found to be quite a deterrent in my dancing. Even though I contributed to the dance performances my dance team and I had, my friends always had their share in creating the choreography as well. When I first realized I had to do everything on my own, I was kind of scared and really nervous because I didn't know if I would do a good job choreographing on my own. However, flash forward to almost a year later, I now have no problems with that, aside from trying to get that first spark of inspiration. 

The very first video I put up on Youtube—my original choreography to "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

The bottom line is, there will always be a positive and negative side to everything, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward in your life and having brand new experiences. The things you once thought to be daunting and impossible to do, might just bring you the most blessings and life lessons. So don't be afraid to take some chances, and just go for it!

Love,

Jennifer.