The rainbow after the rain

In September 2013, I signed up for the Salsa Dance Club not knowing what I was getting myself into. I had no idea what I was even doing there; I didn't know anybody, and just decided to go along with what was about to come. Then I auditioned to be a part of the UW Salsa Dance Team.

The night I found out I passed the audition, and was going to be part of the team, I freaked out big time, and smiled so widely that my cheeks hurt.

I thanked God profusely.

The night I found out I was elected to be a dance instructor for the coming school year, I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't stop crying from joy.

I thanked God profusely.

Because of dance I have been able to meet some of the most amazing people who share the same passion as I do, and I cannot thank God enough for that. He has blessed me beyond measures, and has given me more than what I asked for. My dance family makes me happy; they make my days a lot brighter, and give me strength to continue pursuing my lifelong dream and passion.

I continue to thank God profusely.

A change of perspective

Before I became a dance instructor, I used to think that standing on stage performing in front of hundreds of people was the best feeling in the world, and that really was part of the reason why I loved dancing so much. Even though I sometimes worked behind the scenes of a show (i.e. choreographing, overseeing schedules, etc.), I felt that there was nothing better than actually dancing on stage, and nothing could ever make me feel as happy. 

During the time I injured my ankle, my high school had this event they were organizing wherein they needed dancers to perform. I wanted to dance so badly, but couldn't have possibly done that because of my condition, so I ended up being the choreographer/person-in-charge of the group of performers. The event went really well—the dancers were even requested to perform at another school—and they hugged me afterward and said, "Thank you so much, Jenn! We couldn't have done it without you!" and I had mixed feelings right at that moment. On one hand, I was so very proud of them for nailing the performance, but on the other hand, I couldn't help but think, "I should have been the one standing on stage. It should have been me who got invited to perform." I know I wasn't supposed to think that way, but my mood just dropped further when one of my favorite teachers asked me, "Jennifer! Why didn't you perform today?" and that was just.....................ugh.

However, I can proudly say that ever since I started working as a choreographer/dance instructor, I have been able to deal with those feelings of jealousy and non-acceptance of not being able to dance on stage all the time all thanks to one little incident that happened in Easter time.

So what happened was...

My high school teacher asked me to help her sons and a few of their friends prepare for an Easter dance competition, which was something I had never done as I only taught normal classes before. The first day of class wasn't all too good, as only one of the students attended, but we made it work. I'm not going to lie, teaching the kids was kind of tough and frustrating on my part—at one point my teacher even offered to raise my pay to keep training them—but I just squared my shoulders and did my best. 

I always had this one thing in mind (and I still do to this day) that I got from my instructors back when I still attended a dance academy, which was "When it's time to dance, get serious or get lost; save the fun and games for when you're done with class." So when the students goofed off a lot during practice, I had such a hard time keeping my temper in check and taking control of myself, because as much as I was angry I had never ever laid a hand on any of my students and didn't ever want to do that, definitely not when their parents were watching the rehearsals—the most I did was raise my voice at them and made them practice over and over again, drilling them to get every single thing, down to the details, perfect.

By the third day or so of teaching the students, I had honestly given up all hopes of them winning the competition (again, I know I wasn't supposed to think that way, but you should've just gone to one session, and you'd understand how I felt), and I remember praying, "Lord, I don't even know what's going to happen to my students on the D-Day. I just want to pray to ask for strength to teach them, patience to deal with them, and most importantly, I want to ask to You to please watch over them on competition day so that they can do their best. It doesn't matter if they don't even reach the Top 5, please watch over them, Lord." because I was at such a loss.

Flash forward to competition day on Easter, I couldn't go see them because I had my own plans, so I spent the whole day thinking about how they did because none of them or their parents had notified me yet. By that point, I was still so hopeless, and I completely surrendered everything to God. Come nightfall, I received a text message from my teacher (shown above), that said, "Jennifer, thank you so much for helping the kids! They won first place at the competition! [she wrote something else that wasn't about the competition.]" and at that moment, I literally felt like I was high or something because my mind was all jumbled with the words "won," "competition," "first place." I was all "PRAISE AND REJOICE IN THE LORD! MY STUDENTS WON THE COMPETITION!" and I cannot even explain the feeling of immense joy I had because I was so proud of my students.

My teacher then told me that my students actually really liked the dance I choreographed for them, because she saw them practicing until late after I went home from every session. When she said that, I was all "Then why didn't the kids show that kind of enthusiasm when I was around?!" but I was also "I don't care if they didn't! They won the competition!" and that was honestly the first time I was able to accept not being able to perform all the time, and be totally fine with it!

What I'm trying to say is, I now realize that it sometimes feels so much better to be known as the choreographer who created a piece instead of always being recognized as a dancer on stage. It took me years to understand, but now I have no problem letting my students bask in the spotlight while I support them from backstage; I now see it as a way of letting them experience the exhilaration of dancing in front of tons of people, which was one of the many things that made me fall in love with dance in the first place. It's not such a bad thing, in my opinion. ;)

See you in the next post,

Jennifer W.

 

My thoughts on dancing "solo"

Ever since I started dancing, I've always danced in groups or partners at the very least; this past year definitely marks the first time I danced on my own, meaning that I am no longer a part of a dance team, or do I even have a dance partner. Why is that so? It's simply because most of my dancer friends have moved away to go to university, while I stayed back to take a gap year and pursue my lifelong dream. Only two of my fellow dancers go to a local university, but they're still very busy with school, so I don't get to see them that much.

My dance team members (a.k.a. my best friends forever) and I after a late dance rehearsal

Transitioning from dancing with a partner/team to suddenly being on my own was somewhat disheartening because I no longer had anyone to share all of my worries (for dance) with—I no longer had fellow dancers to lean on when I needed support. Now, let me get something straight, I do have friends, but only a select few of them love dancing as much as I do, and they've all gone away to university as I said before. 

I enrolled in a dance instructor training program shortly after my high school graduation in 2012, and even though there were other girls who were in the course, we were essentially somewhat competing against each other because we had exams to prepare for—well, at least that's how I thought of it. I still went to normal dance classes, but at the end of the day, I was a "trainee" who was being graded based on my performance in class. Being the youngest trainee was not that easy for me as well, there were older students who were kind of belittling me just because I was younger (flashbacks to my ballet years), and it just felt more difficult for me to prove myself as a dance instructor-to-be. To top it all off, I no longer had a dance partner, let alone a dance team whom I could connect with, so yeah.......

All is well in that area now, as I am currently working as a dance instructor/choreographer, and things have been continuously looking up for me. I just feel super blessed! :D I still feel lonely sometimes, especially when I see all of the other dancers who have a super close-knit bond with their team. At those times, I always end up really missing my fellow dancers from the dance academy, and my high school. I really want to have a "partner in crime" again, you know.....

My certificate of completion of the dance instructor training program!
I graduated with a "Highly Commendable Pass"

Even with everything I've said, I still don't think that "dancing solo" (as I like to call it) is all that bad—there are ups and downs in everything—because I get to experience so many things that wouldn't have happened to me otherwise, and I can say that I've matured so much more from working alone than when I was still a part of a team. I've learned how to deal with students, parents, and employers all by myself without losing my temper; before this, I usually ended up hiding behind my team members whenever I got into something I didn't want to deal with, so I think I've matured in that aspect.

I taught my very first workshop on Saturday, 20 April 2013
I used Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" ♥

Choreographing without the help of my team members was also something I found to be quite a deterrent in my dancing. Even though I contributed to the dance performances my dance team and I had, my friends always had their share in creating the choreography as well. When I first realized I had to do everything on my own, I was kind of scared and really nervous because I didn't know if I would do a good job choreographing on my own. However, flash forward to almost a year later, I now have no problems with that, aside from trying to get that first spark of inspiration. 

The very first video I put up on Youtube—my original choreography to "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

The bottom line is, there will always be a positive and negative side to everything, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward in your life and having brand new experiences. The things you once thought to be daunting and impossible to do, might just bring you the most blessings and life lessons. So don't be afraid to take some chances, and just go for it!

Love,

Jennifer.