Last day in my home away from home

September 2012 was the beginning of one of the best years of my life; I had felt like I hit a dead end for the better half of the senior year of high school—I was horribly stressed out, uninspired, and just felt crappy in general. I didn't have any problems with my friends or teachers, but it was the pressure of academics that got the best of me, plus I didn't even have time to dance back then so relaxing was a no-no for me. 

It wasn't until I graduated from high school that I felt like I could pull myself together again after being stuck in a rut for 2 years. After a few months of wondering what I should do next, God eventually told me that He had a plan for me, and although it meant that I would be taking a different path that all my other friends were on, it would still be awesome; He was right. One night while I was out with friends, trying to have fun before all of us separated ways, I received a text from my mom that she got from my former dance instructor. In that message, I was told that there was an opening for a dance instructor training program, and I immediately jumped at the chance—little did I know that it was going to be the start of something great.

Once I got an "OK" from my mom, I contacted my former instructor, and told her that I was interested in the program; flash forward to a month later, I was officially the youngest trainee dance instructor at the studio. The training period went great for the most part, but there were still some days when I thought to myself "Why in the world am I doing this again?" because I was nervous that things weren't going to work out. The doubt that had plagued me in high school had mostly gone away, but it still came back to haunt me at certain times in my trainee days; back then, I was honestly just taking things one day at a time, and thanking God and leaning on Him each step of the way because everything felt so unreal. 

I eventually graduated from the program with a "Highly Commendable Pass" and I remember feeling so out-of-this-world when I received my certificate—I kept thinking "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, I'm a certified dance instructor! ME! I'M A DANCE INSTRUCTOR!" since it had always been my dream to be a dance instructor and own a dance company/studio ever since I was 4 years old; it was such a great day, and I still thank God for blessing me abundantly. After I graduated, I moved on to teach a few classes, hold a couple of workshops, substitute for my dance instructor's classes, dance for a university advertisement project, train a group of dancers for a dance competition, and I even started a Youtube channel to share my passion with an even bigger audience! Granted, there were a ton of ups and downs, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

September 2013: now a year has flashed by before my eyes, and it's time for me to move on with my life. 2 September 2013 was my last day in the dance studio, and it just felt so weird knowing that yesterday's class was the last one I was going to attend. I felt wistful throughout class, but I didn't cry or even shed a single tear, because I knew that I'll always be a part of the studio, as my instructor once told me. I feel eternally grateful that God led me to that place a year ago, and thankful for reconnecting me with my instructor, who has helped me so much in more ways than one! There's an end to everything, but I will never forget the place that got everything started for me, and the people God has introduced to my life who has helped me get to where I am today. I'll definitely look back fondly on the year I spent working with and in the studio, but here's to an even more fantastic future :')

Lots of love,
Jennifer W.

Danspirations

I obviously like a bunch of dance videos on Youtube since I search for inspiration every so often, but there are only a select few videos that I always find myself coming back to because they're just so darned amazing. They're all by Ellen Kim, Kyle Hanagami, and Aye Hasegawa, who are my all-time favorite dancers; I also attended a workshop taught by Aye, and it was so much fun! Now, if only I can learn from Ellen and Kyle...............

I have no words for this video. I can't. No. This is my absolute favorite piece from Ellen, or from my other favorite dancers really; I really like the choreography, videography, and the fact that she always hits with such power, which is one of the main reasons why I like Ellen so much, but I truly love the concept, the "Am I perfect now?" subtext always brings me chills for some reason. Gah, I don't even know what else to say, you should watch it!

This video comes in a close second to "You'll Find a Way" because I can honestly feel the emotions that Kyle and Gracie showed through the dance. I've always loved the fact that Kyle is such a versatile dancer, and he always manages to not dance to the music, but instead, he becomes one with it while he moves........do you get what I mean? He's just amazing; this video actually got me hooked to the song, so watch it!

Aye's choreography in this video doesn't particularly spark me the way the other two videos did, but I simply love how her hits are so clean! Like how. How. Going to her workshop and learning from her was just a wonderful experience. I really don't have anything else to say. No. I'm having a bad day communicating today......so just watch the video!

If for whatever reason you'd like to see the playlist of all of my favorite dance videos, then click here.

I'll see you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer

The Fear of Falling: What's holding you back?

You have to get over the fear of falling before you can succeed :)

Doing all sorts of stunts at Pilates yesterday definitely gave me a lot of things to think about—of course, after my body had had time to recuperate, and my brain a chance to rest and get all those gears running again. Yesterday, I was faced with numerous physical challenges that I had never really encountered before for the sake of the shoot. I was familiar with most of the stunts, but there were a couple of things that were new to me, which I had to do on the spot; I spent a good amount of time, when not assuming the poses, worrying about a lot of things.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I had never once attempted to do this particular stunt whatsoever, and was only challenged on the spot by the senior Pilates instructor. I declined at first because I was so darn scared, but the next thing I knew, my world was turned upside down. Once I was in that position, I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness, what was I so afraid of? This is actually pretty fun!" and that was before I came back down and got a horrible head rush.

Anyway, I kept thinking of that particular stunt, and somehow managed to relate it to my every day life—I know it sounds silly, but stay with me here. Before I got into that pose, I was so afraid of falling and failing that I didn't even want to try; my mind was so clouded over with the terror of slipping and cracking my head open that I almost gave up and pleaded the instructors to just let me move on with the shoot. I then began to realize that that mindset of "This is impossible; I know I'm gonna fail, so why should I even try in the first place?" is what usually keeps a lot of us human beings, including me, from succeeding in life.

Case in point: I've been in a few situations after I graduated from high school where I had to make certain changes in my life because I knew that they just had to be done in order for me to be happy. For the longest time, I had felt like God was telling me that He had a different path for me to take from what my peers were taking; I knew that He had something in store for me. However, for a person like me who thrives on consistency and familiarity, even though I knew it was for the better, I still couldn't shake off the fear of failure. I'm really not joking. I was resolute in my decision, but the first year afterward was sort of tough for me; I felt really insecure a lot of the time and a lot of people in my life were doubting me, but I always prayed for patience, wisdom, and strength to go through those changes in my life because I was not used to them.

Flash forward to the present, I feel so silly whenever I think back to those times of uncertainty, because I'm so glad that I listened to God's voice, followed His plans, took a leap of faith and actually changed my life instead of sticking to my routine because I was afraid. I am very happy now, and I sometimes do say to myself, "What were you so afraid of, Jenn?" I still have insecurities, and I still get nervous sometimes—I'm not perfect, I'm just like any other human being—but I'm training myself to embrace change, and get over the fear of falling, because I realize now that once I dive right in, things don't seem as bad as they did in the first place.

I still have a long way to go, and there are so many more things to do with my life—university, career, marriage, family. I don't always know where I'll end up in, or what I'll do, but I have faith that God is working in me and He has a plan for me. I'll just have to see where He takes me :)

Have faith that God will not forsake you or let you fall, so just let yourself go :)

Love,
Jennifer W.

An exciting day at Pilates!

After a few months of planning, my Pilates instructor, the senior instructor and I finally got around to photoshoot day! We scrapped the normal regime and just spent the whole hour taking pictures of me in these insane poses. I'm quite sure it was one of the most physically intense hour of my life so far, but it was really fun!

I got to try a few new stunts I had never done before, and one or two of them were from the advanced level, so they were really scary. I'll admit that during the session my body was shaking like a phone on vibrate, my heart was palpitating, and my brain was all fuzzy from doing all those flips and other tricks; I couldn't even think properly enough to pray for like I always had whenever I did aerial stunts in Pilates class—I'm just super thankful that God watched over me and didn't let me slip and fall on my head. 

Although I'm super duper exhausted now, I feel really great and I managed to see my body in a whole new light! I'm extremely happy that my muscles were strong enough to hold me up, and all the 4/5 years of training in Pilates has done me well! Ah, thank God for this :D 

This was the advanced level pose that the senior instructor (the man who's spotting me in the picture) had me do. He was all: "Jennifer, your arms are strong enough right? Try doing this pose." and I declined at first, but even my instructor agreed with him and I just ended up trying it. I still have no idea what that position is called, because I really didn't even have the thought of asking because my mind was so clouded over with fear of falling on my head. Fyi, the senior instructor had no choice but to spot me because my body was swaying back and forth like a pendulum—I'm quite sure that I had an out-of-body experience for like a minute because of that.

Now this one I had no trouble with, and to be honest, this is one of my favorite poses ever because 1. it looks so beautiful, and 2. it's really quite easy to do! Of course, I had an awful head rush after I came down from that position, but it felt so great to do that! I honestly want to do more of these photoshoots because although they were really exhausting, they were so exciting! I can only hope that there will be another one ><

Well, that's about it for now, but you can check out more of these Pilates pictures on Instagram! 

See you in the next post,

Jennifer W.

Get to know the blogger tag!

I did something similar to this when an acquaintance of mine tagged me on another social networking site, but I thought it would be fun to do it on my blog!

Here goes:

1. Are you named after anyone? No, I'm pretty sure my parents just gave me this name after going over a few options :p 

2. When was the last time you cried? Last night because I stayed up late reading a very sad story :p 

3. Do you have kids? No.  

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Yeah, sure! That way I'll know what to do to not annoy me, like not talking to me and just leaving me be for the first hour after I wake up. 

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, not really. I only use it when I'm around my best friends, but not often. 

6. Will you ever bungee-jump? Oh, no no no no no no no no no no O______O I have a fear of heights, and this totally weird paranoia that the cord might break or something. 

7. What’s your favorite cereal? Post Select's Blueberry Morning cereal! Oh my gah, I can eat that for breakfast, lunch, dinner all the time. 

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Eyes and smile, and the way they carry themselves and act around others :) 

9. What is your eye colour? Dark brown ♥ 

10. Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings all the way! I'm such a wimp that I end up getting nightmares when I watch scary movies.  

11. Favorite smells? Lavender, jasmine, and the smell of a baby (I know that sounds weird, but there's something about it that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside) 

12. Summer or winter? Winter. I live in a tropical country, so it's like summer all year long O___O I'm tired of the heat! 

13. Computer or television? Computer all the way. 

14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Probably the USA when I went there for family vacations and to visit my older brother. 

15. Do you have any special talents? Oh this is a toughie :\ I don't think so? I mean, I think I'm quite flexible, but I don't think it's a special talent considering I'm a dancer :\ 

16. Where were you born? Jakarta. 

17. What are your hobbies? Dancing, listening to music, hanging out with friends, spending time with kids at the orphanage I visit every now and then :) 

18. Do you have any pets? No, I have no luck with pets.....seriously T-T over the span of 19 years, I've had a total of 15 pets......but......they are no longer with me now T-T 

19. Favorite movie? Definitely the Step Up series! 

20. Do you have any siblings? Yes, one older brother and one younger brother. 

21. What do you want to be when you grow up? I've always wanted to own a dance company/studio; travel all over the world to learn, teach, and share my passion and love for dancing. Those things have always been in my mind ever since I was 4 years old :)

Well that is it! I tag each and every one of you readers to do this :)

Love,
Jennifer

Trying out some stunts

"All it takes is a second and your whole life can get turned upside down." —Jodi Picoult

Boy, is that right O____O

My two best guy friends Eugene (the one in the black shirt) and Randy (the one in the gray shirt), and I had dance practice yesterday where we decided to be daredevils and attempt a few stunts. Eugene became the main base, because he was the biggest and strongest out of the three of us, while Randy and I became the "flyers" or whatever it is we were supposed to be called.

We were no strangers to stunts, but we tried some seriously crazy, Jackass-worthy stuff yesterday that really scared the wits out of Randy and me. Randy is a b-boy, so it's safe to say that he's become great friends with the floor, if you get what I mean; I am used to being lifted and spun around like a rag doll for dance (and even outside of dance); Eugene has some experience in lifting and executing other stunts. But some of the tricks we did yesterday were really............scary, for a lack of a better word. I got a shoe to the face, Eugene accidentally slammed his knees to the floor, and Randy became even better friends with the floor.

I'll stop talking for now and let you see the videos we recorded yesterday. Warning: please don't try this at home if you've got no experience in stunts or dance or whatever. I don't want to be held accountable if you get injured.

When doing stunts, or simply dancing with a partner/team, it's important to place your full trust in them lest you want to fail, or in my and Randy's case yesterday, fall on our heads. Knowing that Eugene would definitely catch us on time and know when and how to stop immediately if something went wrong gave me some sort of comfort, but I was still quite scared for the most part. Randy even told me that he was scared for me :p but thankfully, nothing too bad happened to us.

I want to try that backflip again because I didn't manage to land properly; I just want to get it right! Oh, please remember to use a mat or any soft, cushion-y material when attempting stunts or tricks—safety first.

Well, I'll see you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer

A change of perspective

Before I became a dance instructor, I used to think that standing on stage performing in front of hundreds of people was the best feeling in the world, and that really was part of the reason why I loved dancing so much. Even though I sometimes worked behind the scenes of a show (i.e. choreographing, overseeing schedules, etc.), I felt that there was nothing better than actually dancing on stage, and nothing could ever make me feel as happy. 

During the time I injured my ankle, my high school had this event they were organizing wherein they needed dancers to perform. I wanted to dance so badly, but couldn't have possibly done that because of my condition, so I ended up being the choreographer/person-in-charge of the group of performers. The event went really well—the dancers were even requested to perform at another school—and they hugged me afterward and said, "Thank you so much, Jenn! We couldn't have done it without you!" and I had mixed feelings right at that moment. On one hand, I was so very proud of them for nailing the performance, but on the other hand, I couldn't help but think, "I should have been the one standing on stage. It should have been me who got invited to perform." I know I wasn't supposed to think that way, but my mood just dropped further when one of my favorite teachers asked me, "Jennifer! Why didn't you perform today?" and that was just.....................ugh.

However, I can proudly say that ever since I started working as a choreographer/dance instructor, I have been able to deal with those feelings of jealousy and non-acceptance of not being able to dance on stage all the time all thanks to one little incident that happened in Easter time.

So what happened was...

My high school teacher asked me to help her sons and a few of their friends prepare for an Easter dance competition, which was something I had never done as I only taught normal classes before. The first day of class wasn't all too good, as only one of the students attended, but we made it work. I'm not going to lie, teaching the kids was kind of tough and frustrating on my part—at one point my teacher even offered to raise my pay to keep training them—but I just squared my shoulders and did my best. 

I always had this one thing in mind (and I still do to this day) that I got from my instructors back when I still attended a dance academy, which was "When it's time to dance, get serious or get lost; save the fun and games for when you're done with class." So when the students goofed off a lot during practice, I had such a hard time keeping my temper in check and taking control of myself, because as much as I was angry I had never ever laid a hand on any of my students and didn't ever want to do that, definitely not when their parents were watching the rehearsals—the most I did was raise my voice at them and made them practice over and over again, drilling them to get every single thing, down to the details, perfect.

By the third day or so of teaching the students, I had honestly given up all hopes of them winning the competition (again, I know I wasn't supposed to think that way, but you should've just gone to one session, and you'd understand how I felt), and I remember praying, "Lord, I don't even know what's going to happen to my students on the D-Day. I just want to pray to ask for strength to teach them, patience to deal with them, and most importantly, I want to ask to You to please watch over them on competition day so that they can do their best. It doesn't matter if they don't even reach the Top 5, please watch over them, Lord." because I was at such a loss.

Flash forward to competition day on Easter, I couldn't go see them because I had my own plans, so I spent the whole day thinking about how they did because none of them or their parents had notified me yet. By that point, I was still so hopeless, and I completely surrendered everything to God. Come nightfall, I received a text message from my teacher (shown above), that said, "Jennifer, thank you so much for helping the kids! They won first place at the competition! [she wrote something else that wasn't about the competition.]" and at that moment, I literally felt like I was high or something because my mind was all jumbled with the words "won," "competition," "first place." I was all "PRAISE AND REJOICE IN THE LORD! MY STUDENTS WON THE COMPETITION!" and I cannot even explain the feeling of immense joy I had because I was so proud of my students.

My teacher then told me that my students actually really liked the dance I choreographed for them, because she saw them practicing until late after I went home from every session. When she said that, I was all "Then why didn't the kids show that kind of enthusiasm when I was around?!" but I was also "I don't care if they didn't! They won the competition!" and that was honestly the first time I was able to accept not being able to perform all the time, and be totally fine with it!

What I'm trying to say is, I now realize that it sometimes feels so much better to be known as the choreographer who created a piece instead of always being recognized as a dancer on stage. It took me years to understand, but now I have no problem letting my students bask in the spotlight while I support them from backstage; I now see it as a way of letting them experience the exhilaration of dancing in front of tons of people, which was one of the many things that made me fall in love with dance in the first place. It's not such a bad thing, in my opinion. ;)

See you in the next post,

Jennifer W.

 

A rave about Pilates (and dance of course)!

***I am in no way sponsored by a Pilates studio or company or whatever to talk about all these things. The post you are about to read is entirely based off of my own experiences and the things that have happened to me ever since I started doing this exercise regime regularly.***

For those of you who don't know, I do Pilates aside from dancing; I've been doing it for about 4 or 5 years now, and the combination of Pilates + dancing is won-der-ful. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have tons of complications from sustaining multiple injuries because of dance, and Pilates really does help me recover! I think it's an especially fantastic work out (or therapy program) for dancers who get injured very easily—Martha Graham and George Balanchine did Pilates, if you were wondering—or want to strengthen their bodies for dance (I know it's helped me a lot in terms of flexibility, strength, and endurance). However, I am just speaking from my own experience, so I obviously have no idea if this will be suitable for everyone but I definitely think you should try it out :D 

My bow-and-arrow, 6 o'clock, and scorpion aren't perfect, I know. But doing Pilates really improved my flexibility, strength, and endurance so that I could actually go into those positions and hold it for longer :D

Pilates has helped in correcting my posture and bone structure, which is something I'm very thankful for. I used to have something called lordosis*, which is a type of spine curvature disorder, and to this day I don't know exactly what caused it—although I'm 95% sure it was because of dance—so my Pilates instructor always had me do (and she still does) a certain series of exercises to re-adjust my spine. Even after all these years, I can't say that my back is in perfect condition now because I think I first had this disorder when I was around 5 or 6 years old, I don't know. However, the posture of my spinal column has visibly improved, and it doesn't bother me as much anymore.

*Lordosis is a condition wherein the spinal cord curves inward too much, making it absolutely impossible for the person affected to slouch, even when he/she tries his/her hardest to. Although some people think it looks pretty, because this disorder does give the illusion of having a stronger back, in all actuality it is not, and it causes quite a bit of pain.  ._____.

Back when my lordosis was still at its peak, a lot of my friends used to compliment me for having such "great" posture because I literally wouldn't even slouch when I sat down for hours on end; some of them also asked me to teach them how to do it, and I would just reply, "What in the world are you talking about? This is not something I wanted." It was actually quite a pain in the a%# because, as I found out later on through Pilates, lordosis actually caused issues in other parts of my body structure that also contributed to more pains. My back is still unfortunately as straight and stiff as a board, but thank the Lord in Heaven it's getting better.

Aside from all of the things I mentioned above, and honestly speaking on a more vain note, doing Pilates (plus dance) really changed my body! I don't go on diets like Atkins, no gluten, eating clean, or veganism—the closest I've ever done to "diet" is restrict my junk food intake, and increase my vegetables and fruits consumption; I also don't eat chocolate and peanuts *cue sobbing (CHOCOLATEEEEEE T_____T)* anymore because they make me break out, but that's a whole other story—so I can safely say that dancing and doing Pilates regularly has changed my body so much. I've had to get rid of a lot of my jeans, skirts, and a few shirts because they became too big to wear, and I even had to alter the size of my dresses to make them smaller, which makes me happy because I've lost weight without even trying to. That's another reason why I think Pilates and dance make such a great combination :D

I dropped 3-4 sizes in jeans, possibly about 2-3 in tops, and maybe 2 in dresses.

I lost fat here and there, but gained muscle mass from working out, so I can't really talk about my weight change.

One of the benefits of doing Pilates and dance combined :D

In all honesty, even though I'm very happy with the physical changes I've seen on my body, the best part of working out in my opinion is getting to know the limits of my strength and endurance, and testing them over and over again to eventually surpass those boundaries. To me, there's something satisfying and almost addictive in getting to see my body being capable enough to withstand what I like to call "the legal form of physical torture" that is intermediate/aerial Pilates. I've said tons of great things about this form of exercise, but let's be honest here, no work out is ever easy. I've been doing quite a bit of aerial stunts in Pilates lately—my instructor especially loves to have me do it whenever somebody stops by to observe the class—and even though it is extreme muscle torture at its best, I always end up feeling so proud of myself because after years of training, my body has finally become strong enough to do stunts on the trapeze or Redcord ropes (that's exactly what it is: two or 4 ropes suspended from the ceiling for us to do stunts on). Of course, I always say a little prayer before doing these stunts: "Lord, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall." and I repeat this over and over again until my feet land safely on the ground.

I just had Pilates class today, and one of the junior-rank instructors jokingly said, "Jenn, you're being tortured every single time you do Pilates, yet you still come for every session." Well, what can I say? I'm an over-achiever, and I like challenging myself in every way possible; Pilates is just one of those things that sparks my interest and motivates me to challenge my body in ways I've never done before aside from dancing :D

The bottom line is, Pilates has a lot of benefits (especially for dancers) and I fully encourage every one of you to try it out! For those of you who are new to working out, or want to try something new, don't be afraid to do this; Pilates has little risks and a ton of advantages! It's great for people who aren't huge fans of sports or going to the gym to weight-train, run on the treadmill, do the elliptical, etc. as well, because I know I have an aversion to those things. I'll be the first to admit that I am such a klutz when it comes to sports, and weight-training or doing the things people usually do at the gym bores me to death, so Pilates is a great option! All the best to all of you who will try :D

Much love,
Jennifer W.

Dance-related injuries

Before you proceed to the entry, let me set one thing straight: I am not a masochist. I do not enjoy pain in any form or any degree. Please keep that in mind as you read the entirety of this post.
Now that we've got that cleared up, let's get going!

There's honestly something very satisfying about getting injured because of dance—at least that's what I think. Of all the (roughly) 15 years I have been dancing, my bones, muscles, and joints have sustained quite a bit of damage because I tend to overwork them. I am a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my art, and that is (unfortunately) a trait that has landed me in more trouble than it has success. Because of my tendency to literally dance until I drop (or hear something crack), I now have:

• loose hip joints (my Pilates instructor tells me that she can actually hear my pelvic bones coming out of its socket sometimes *shudders*) 
• a dislocated ankle — I actually have no idea if it's still dislocated, but one physiotherapist said that my bone actually shifted or something.........I didn't ask her for more information because I was just that disgusted and scared.
• creaky knee joints 
• loose and creaky shoulder joints
• weak rear end

All of those fun things at the age of 19. Wow, I feel so young o____o

In spite of all of those minor (some of them were actually quite serious at some point, but I think they're okay now...) setbacks, my love for the art of dancing is still as strong as the first day I fell for it. Although my Pilates instructor always advises me against dancing too often because of blatantly obvious reasons (a.k.a. injuries and whatnot), I just can't seem to separate myself from it. I mean, how can a fish stay out of water and live? Cheesy, I know.

The longest time I was strictly told to stay away from dancing—or any kind of strenuous physical activity for that matter—was for 3 whole months when I dislocated my right ankle. There was a school event coming up during that time, and I was soooooooooo frustrated that I couldn't perform because of my ankle injury. I ended up being the choreographer for the performers, and even though it was fun, I still felt horrible for not being able to dance on stage. As I think of it now, I'm pretty sure I actually danced with my students at least once during rehearsals.......maybe that's why my ankle isn't completely healed yet even after a year. Oops.

Things haven't changed that much now, I still haven't learned my lesson even after all these years, and I sometimes get these random attacks of pain during or after dance classes or my regular workout sessions. I've pulled a muscle in my ribs at least four times, I once gave too much of my all in a workshop that I literally couldn't walk for the next few days, I have ugly scars and blisters from dancing in heels, and I just injured my right ankle again about a month or two ago. 

I personally see those "damages" as proof of how hard I worked my booty off to improve in my art. The bruises on my body are my battle scars—they symbolize how much blood, sweat, tears, time, and effort I poured into dancing. The way I see it is that I'm blessed enough to have a talent, and God has constantly been giving me all of these great opportunities and platforms to showcase my love and passion for dance, so why not go the extra mile and work hard to expand and deepen my horizon? No pain, no gain, right? 

Love,
Jennifer

PS: I have no idea whether or not this post is actually coherent, because, I kid you not, my mind was running all over the place the whole time I wrote this. I also don't feel like reading this entry just to proofread. If I managed to transition from one paragraph to another seamlessly, then good! If not, then I apologize, because I sometimes do jump from one topic to another when I talk in real life. Oh well.

An unexpectedly chill Saturday

I originally planned on filming another choreography or tutorial video in the studio today to post on Youtube, but my classes got cancelled last night. On one hand, I feel thankful because I can rest after a very intense intermediate/aerial Pilates class yesterday, and to top it all off, my wisdom teeth are growing out, so they're giving me quite a bit of pain. On the other hand though, I feel so unproductive today since I really wanted to record :(

Things have finally calmed down a bit after Super Show 5 in Jakarta (YES! I SAW SUPER JUNIOR LIVE!) and meeting Choi Siwon at Pacific Place, so I was really looking forward to resuming my classes and teaching more workshops. I'll admit that I was quite out of it when I practiced for my classes (read: I was so sluggish), but I felt genuinely excited to be back in the studio to teach! But these things happened.....oh well, I suppose I'll just have to wait until next week!

See you in the next post,
Jennifer

My thoughts on dancing "solo"

Ever since I started dancing, I've always danced in groups or partners at the very least; this past year definitely marks the first time I danced on my own, meaning that I am no longer a part of a dance team, or do I even have a dance partner. Why is that so? It's simply because most of my dancer friends have moved away to go to university, while I stayed back to take a gap year and pursue my lifelong dream. Only two of my fellow dancers go to a local university, but they're still very busy with school, so I don't get to see them that much.

My dance team members (a.k.a. my best friends forever) and I after a late dance rehearsal

Transitioning from dancing with a partner/team to suddenly being on my own was somewhat disheartening because I no longer had anyone to share all of my worries (for dance) with—I no longer had fellow dancers to lean on when I needed support. Now, let me get something straight, I do have friends, but only a select few of them love dancing as much as I do, and they've all gone away to university as I said before. 

I enrolled in a dance instructor training program shortly after my high school graduation in 2012, and even though there were other girls who were in the course, we were essentially somewhat competing against each other because we had exams to prepare for—well, at least that's how I thought of it. I still went to normal dance classes, but at the end of the day, I was a "trainee" who was being graded based on my performance in class. Being the youngest trainee was not that easy for me as well, there were older students who were kind of belittling me just because I was younger (flashbacks to my ballet years), and it just felt more difficult for me to prove myself as a dance instructor-to-be. To top it all off, I no longer had a dance partner, let alone a dance team whom I could connect with, so yeah.......

All is well in that area now, as I am currently working as a dance instructor/choreographer, and things have been continuously looking up for me. I just feel super blessed! :D I still feel lonely sometimes, especially when I see all of the other dancers who have a super close-knit bond with their team. At those times, I always end up really missing my fellow dancers from the dance academy, and my high school. I really want to have a "partner in crime" again, you know.....

My certificate of completion of the dance instructor training program!
I graduated with a "Highly Commendable Pass"

Even with everything I've said, I still don't think that "dancing solo" (as I like to call it) is all that bad—there are ups and downs in everything—because I get to experience so many things that wouldn't have happened to me otherwise, and I can say that I've matured so much more from working alone than when I was still a part of a team. I've learned how to deal with students, parents, and employers all by myself without losing my temper; before this, I usually ended up hiding behind my team members whenever I got into something I didn't want to deal with, so I think I've matured in that aspect.

I taught my very first workshop on Saturday, 20 April 2013
I used Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" ♥

Choreographing without the help of my team members was also something I found to be quite a deterrent in my dancing. Even though I contributed to the dance performances my dance team and I had, my friends always had their share in creating the choreography as well. When I first realized I had to do everything on my own, I was kind of scared and really nervous because I didn't know if I would do a good job choreographing on my own. However, flash forward to almost a year later, I now have no problems with that, aside from trying to get that first spark of inspiration. 

The very first video I put up on Youtube—my original choreography to "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink feat. Nate Ruess

The bottom line is, there will always be a positive and negative side to everything, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward in your life and having brand new experiences. The things you once thought to be daunting and impossible to do, might just bring you the most blessings and life lessons. So don't be afraid to take some chances, and just go for it!

Love,

Jennifer.

Lack of inspiration—it really sucks.

I haven't been choreographing in almost two weeks now, and that feels like a lifetime to me. I've been busy with dance performance rehearsals and visa preparations that I ended up feeling so utterly uninspired. 

My schedule has calmed down now, so I have more time to lock myself in my "at-home studio,"—or as I like to call it—which is really my late grandmother's bedroom, and dance dance dance until I drop. Literally. I'd love to do just that, but as of now, I still have no inspiration! I'll probably just end up practicing for a dance cover, which I'll definitely record and post on Youtube. Other than that, I currently have no idea what to choreograph next!

Inspiration seems to hit me at the unlikeliest times, like when I'm listening to music in bed—already so tired, and just ready to sleep. I wish there was a device that could record all of the ideas that my mind seems to sprout at night, just so I could review them in the morning and create something out of them. Scientists and innovators, please make that happen.

Well, I have to go now, so my time is up here. I'll see you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer

Lights, Camera, Dance!

"Then come the lights shining on you from above. You are a performer. You forget all you learned;—the process of technique, the fear, the pain—you even forget who you are. You become one with the music, the lights, indeed one with the dance." —Shirley Maclain

I still remember the time I first felt the exhilaration of standing on stage under the illumination of the stage lights—the feeling of complete satisfaction, belonging, and rush. I was in my pre-teens, rehearsing on stage with my jazz dance team for a performance the next day, and even though it was only a trial run, the seats were filled with hundreds of people watching. It was not my first time performing, as I started dance when I was 4 years old, so I was really excited and not that nervous. 

The music played, and the other dancers and I went on with our routine until the end. Just as the music stopped, and we all got into our final pose,—all sweaty and gross from the heat of the stage lights—the audience went wild and started cheering for us; I remember I had smiled so big upon hearing their supportive yells that my cheeks really hurt. It was really the first time I ever felt so alive, and there was this rush of excitement flowing through inside of me! Right at that moment, I knew where I belonged, and what my passion was.

Even though I started dance at an early age, I didn't really have very many good memories or experiences until I moved to modern and jazz dance from ballet. Let's just say that ballet was.....not the best years of my life.....I'm still grateful for it because attending those classes taught me a lot, but other than that, it was......not very good. Let's just leave it at that. So yeah, I was super duper overjoyed when I transferred to modern and jazz dance classes! The friends were awesome, my instructors were so great and thoughtful, and I loved everything and anything about modern dance and jazz dance. :)

As time went by, I eventually had to leave the dance academy because my grades at school were going downhill, and my mom wouldn't have any of that. I threw a tantrum, and ended up having a huge argument with my mom because I really didn't want to leave. It got pretty bad, to the point where my mom gave me two choices: 

1. Quit school and continue attending the dance academy.
2. Leave dance and continue school.

Now, as much as I wanted to choose option 1, I knew that it wasn't really the best option for me, and my parents would have had my head for it, so I reluctantly chose number 2. I remember crying for a long time, and just generally being depressed about it, because I really loved that academy from the bottom of my heart! It was a tough decision, but I knew that I just couldn't drop out of [regular] school.

Flash forward to almost a decade later, I am now going after my dreams and pursuing my passion for dance! I currently work as a dance instructor/choreographer, and am basically a full-time dancer :D well, for the time being anyway. I'm in the last few months of my gap year before I have to leave for university in the fall of 2013, but I will still dance on campus! I won't be joining the university dance team because I won't be able to attend the audition (T_____T), but I will be taking (and hopefully) teaching lots of classes there! I really can't wait :D

See you in the next post!

Love,
Jennifer.

Why am I so weak?

I don't mean "weak" as in "mentally weak," but more like "physically weak." I seriously am, and I hate it so much.

I tend to push myself too much when it comes down to working on projects,—be it for dance, school, work, or whatever it is I have on my plate—and it definitely takes a toll on my body. I often get headaches, my muscles become sore very easily, I sometimes lose my voice, and I'm somewhat prone to injuries. Ugh.

One doctor told me that I was an overachiever (nothing new here), and basically a type-A person. To put it simply, I'm a perfectionist, and become very, very borderline annoying anal when it comes to school, work, and especially dance. I suppose it's good to be meticulous and super organized, but in my case, I almost always overwork myself to the point of sickness, and it's not good, for a lack of a better word. 

I just had a performance yesterday, and the D-Day preparations were hell for my body. Let me tell you what I did yesterday:

• 5:30am: woke up and got ready.

(I was still a happy lil' dancer here that I had the energy and willingness to take a selfie)

• 7:00am: got in the car, and went to the show venue early, because of my 7:30am call time.
• 7:15am: arrived at the location; put on my makeup (those damned fake lashes), wore my costume, did my hair, rehearsed.
• 9:00am: briefed by the committee members; rehearsed on stage with full makeup and costume; made sure everything looked good on camera.
• 9:15am: put on accessories for my costume; stretched and warmed up because my left arm was killing me; took some pictures, and rehearsed again in the dressing room; prayed before we got on stage.
• 10:30am: SHOW TIME, BABY! First performance went well.
• 11:00am: ate lunch because I was famished at that point; touched up my makeup, and put on the costume for the second performance; rehearsed the other choreography for a few times; made sure our costumes and accessories were in place; took some more pictures, and then waited for our second session.
• 1:00pm: SECOND PERFORMANCE!
• 2:00pm: everything was all done; the first thing I did was rip off my falsies, and took off my makeup; changed out of my costume, and went home. AT LONG LAST, FREEDOM FROM THOSE FALSIES AND MAKEUP! Yeah, I totally dislike wearing makeup.
• 3:20pm: finally arrived home after dropping off my dance instructor and her assistant at the studio. Time to eat again, because I was hungry........again.

So that was a sneak peek into my schedule yesterday, and even though it might not seem like much, it was really exhausting for me. I realize that I've been getting sick and just generally feeling like crap a lot more lately, because I'm almost always dancing, choreographing, teaching, or doing Pilates. It's kind of ironic because those things are supposed to keep you fit and healthy, but I feel like I kind of abuse it so much to the point that my body just can't take them all too well anymore. All things in moderation, I guess.

I'm ranting on my first post—well done, Jenn (note the sarcasm). So I'll stop here then; see you in my next entry!

Love,

Jennifer W.